A second chance
by Chassiel
Summary: Kaneki Ken lost something at his meeting with Arima at Route 14. A part of his personality lives on away from the main body, this story follows the story of Kaneki Ken who tries to become a whole person once more. Rated T for language and violence.


**All rights of the story goes to the origi** **al creators**

 **Warning about language, violence and psychological problems**

My mother tongue is not English and I have no Beta-reader, so the grammatical aspect of the story might be lacking.

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I remembered the most beautiful scenery I had ever seen. Flowers everywhere with a warm breeze and sunshine shining from the ceiling. It had looked tranquil and so secure, but under the illusion of beauty was the most terrifying beast I had ever seen.

Truth was that it had not been flowers, nor was it the tranquil feeling of fall but utter fear that had gripped my mind and body and produced the safe illusions. The illusion that I had not eaten Hide. The illusion that all around me was the most beautiful flowers, not the corpses of all my friends. The illusion that the man in front of me was an angel, not the reaper who was coming for my soul.

I had died. I was certain I had died. I felt it, the lance that impaled my skull twice and turned my world into eternal darkness. However, something happened. I slipped out from the body I had been in so far. I kept slipping away together with the blood, until I gathered in a comfortable place underneath.

I had died. It was a known fact, as I saw the reaper walk away and later return. He gave orders, but I could not hear anything. How could I even see? Maybe death made no sense.

The reaper, Arima, carried my corpse away. I guess it would be helping the ghoul investigators with understanding Kanou's creations more. I did not want to help them. They had taken my place away from me. My home and my friends. I needed to kill them, but killing is not easy while being dead, especially not when you do not have a body.

Tick tock, tick tock,

Merrily sings the clock,

It's time for work,

It's time for play

So, it sings throughout the day

Tick tock, tick tock

Merrily sings the clock

I can move. How can I move? But this is definitely a hand I see in front of my eyes. It must be my hand. Feet? These are feet. A whole body. This feels different, is this really my body I wonder?

I see feet. I see legs. This is good, this is great, maybe I cloned myself. Is that possible? Rize has definitely cloned her Kagune multiple times, and I have regenerated several limbs, not to mention toes and fingers.

Yes, I can control this body. I can stand. But something is definitely not the way it used to be. Why am I a woman? This cannot be my body. Something is wrong. But for now, I am alive. Did anyone else survive?

-x-x-x-x-x-Prologue-x-x-x-x-x-

I looked out the window of the abandoned building where I had settled down. Ward 20 was no longer the calm and peaceful place it had been just days before, and I hoped that the Ghoul Investigators would not come back here to look for surviving ghouls. I needed some time to think everything through.

The moment I had arrived at the abandoned apartment I had looked in a mirror and I had been quite shocked. My body was definitely that of a woman, and from the mask, I could grasp that it had belonged to one of the Black Dobers.

I had been in the building for two days, and already the body was changing. I had been unable to extract my Kagune at first, but now I could feel it slowly repairing itself from within, just as the body was healing at a rapid pace. The original kagune from the body had been absorbed and the nutrition was used towards recovering. This was an advanced type of cannibalism, that was for sure.

My hair had been long and black, but I had noticed the roots were turning white, and it was slowly spreading through the long locks. I felt like I was gaining more and more control of what obviously had been a corpse, but now was flowing with my blood.

I had expected that my kokugan would now work for both eyes, as this body had been fully ghoul; however, that was not the case. Every time I had tried to call it fourth it had only been in my left eye, just as when I had been me before.

-x-x-x-x-x-Prologue-x-x-x-x-x-

I was Kaneki Ken, but at the same time, I was not. I had been separated from the real Kaneki Ken, I was a memory, a fragment, a clone. I had been whole when I was a part of him before, but now I had been removed from the original and I would no longer be able to be Kaneki Ken.

He had to be alive. If he had been dead he would have been left in the pile of corpses just as I myself had been before, and my only goal was to get him back. Tsukiyama had eaten himself before, and I wondered if I could become whole again.

The rain was pouring down, as a mirror of my soul. I felt lost, alone and confused but there was a flame within that was burning stronger than any before. How could they attack the manager and Anteiku when they did nothing but collect suicide victims and serve coffee? It was frustrating that so many of my friends had had to give their lives for something so minor, and not only that, I had learned that the manager had been caught by Aogiri Tree.

Kanou would be creating more ghouls like me using his kagune. That would be annoying.

I sighed and once again looked outside the window while allowing my eyes to close slowly and be entranced by the rhythmical drumming of the rain.

I was Kaneki Ken, but I could not be Kaneki Ken. I had acknowledged that I ate Hide, and I felt sadness, but I did not feel the same sadness, as I would have expected myself to feel. I was lacking some of my emotions, some of my reasoning as I was no longer a whole being.

I was hoping that I had left my insanity behind, but I would not be able to know before my kagune was completely healed and I would be back to using my body as I wished.

-x-x-x-x-x-Prologue-x-x-x-x-x-

A familiar scent reached my nose through the heavy downpour and I sneaked out through the broken door. Hunger was turning my stomach upside down, and I could feel my eyes turning red. I needed to hurry.

There it was, the delicious meat I could smell so far away. It had not been killed by a ghoul but a gunshot, and the shooter was still standing behind, shock evident on the young face. I wanted to hunt her, to eat her, rip the limps off one at a time and savour the meat, but my consciousness threw the urges behind.

"Excuse me," I whispered with a coarse voice, and the poor girl turned around instantly, shooting by reflex. A growl escaped my lips as it grazed my still not fully healed body.

"I… I got a gun. I'll shoot you monster!" the girl shrieked while her whole body was trembling with fear. A wave of guilt rushed over me, to quickly get replaced. She had killed someone, she was as much of a monster as I was. At least I would eat the ones I killed, I highly doubted that she would be doing so.

"I won't attack you," I said with a tired voice. I should not judge her, who knew what she was protecting to be so desperate as to kill another human being. I had definitely killed before to protect.

The girl was not reacting, and I had to admit it might have been hard to trust a one eyed ghoul that was standing in front of you, looking fairly beaten up.

"Can I have the dead guy?" I continued while pointing at the corpse that was left behind. The girl sent a quick glance towards him and winced in discomfort. She was definitely no killer.

"Listen, I am really hungry and I would prefer not attacking you. You killed a guy but if I take him there will be no evidence linked to you, only me, a ghoul. It's a win win situation." I hissed. I did not wish to be aggressive, but I was hungry and the longer I was here, the harder it was to suppress the urges.

 _I need meat. Fresh meat. Blood. Alive. Ripping. Eating. Meat. Meat. NO. Not now! Not here! Not HER!_

The girl seemed to understand the situation and she quickly gave a nod, before vanishing into the darkness behind her. My attention was quickly turned to the meal in front of me as I looked at it.

It was daunting. I had never actually eaten from a human corpse before. The few times I had eaten human flesh had been when I was with Anteiku and then the manager had done all the work for me, but this guy was already dead, and eating him would not do him any harm. And then there was Hide. I could still not remember how or when or even if I had eaten him, but I had definitely eaten something human in those moments of complete blackness.

I sighed, and hoisted the dead man up over my shoulder before quickly making my way back to the abandoned apartment. Touka-chan had eaten an arm just as it was back when I first met her, so I guessed that was an easy way to eat.

It was heaven. Ghoul meat was by no means delicious. It was disgusting and I had eaten nothing but ghoul meat for a very long time. However now I saw the sunshine, I felt the golden rays touch my skin and the meat turned liquid and left a feeling of utter bliss throughout my whole body. I had to be careful or I would become addicted to this taste. Although I was willing to kill anything and anyone that would threaten my world, I still had no intention of being disrespectful to life or the living. I was, after all, still a part of Kaneki Ken.

-x-x-x-x-x-Prologue-x-x-x-x-x-

It had been two weeks where I had stayed at the terrible apartment. It had no heating and only cold water, but it had helped me recover fairly well. My kagune was back, however I was unable to call fourth more than four tentacles at a time.

I had no intention of pushing it or even trying out the incomplete kakuja. It was scary to have no control of what your body was doing, and even worse while realizing that everything you did would be gone when you wake up, but I was in no position to just sit back and wait either.

I had to get strong. I had to get much stronger. My aim was to get the original Kaneki out from whichever lab he was currently locked up in, and once again connect with him, once again become a whole being. The original had many faults and flaws, but he was the only thing I wanted to be. He was my home.

To get anywhere I needed a new identity. I was a woman now, no matter how shocking that was, and I had long white hair. I guess being a woman could be an advantage, as no one would ever think that I was really Kaneki Ken in this body.

I wanted to be Kaneki Rize, but both names were as known in the Ghoul world, and I had to find another alias to go by. I settled with Nagachika Yuki. It was a name I would not forget.

A smile appeared on my face as I finally closed the door to what had been working as my home for the few weeks where I had been reborn. I would go visit Uta-san and get myself a new mask. It was time to find the original and return to being one whole person.

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Thank you for taking the time to read through this, if you have the time please leave a review so that I can improve my writing for the following chapter


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